Author Archives: shannieannie

Liar Liar Pants on Fire and Other News

Standard

MIA, MIA, MIA…do you see a theme here? MIA seems to be all my blog posts are about, which is ridiculous. I want to be able to blog on a regular basis, and yet every time I write a blog saying I’m going to get back up on that blogging horse, life takes a turn and I’m yet again MIA. The last post was all the way back in mid summer, and to be honest I had absolutely nothing going on at that point that would have deterred me from writing. Nothing except for my own procrastination and preoccupation with relaxation and not doing anything that requires too much brain power.

In my last entry I was discussing getting back into a workout routine and diet plan, well as you’ve probably guessed it, I haven’t done any of that. As I mentioned before I had injured my back in February, I have been on pain medications and muscle relaxers since, and it was incredible wishful thinking back in July that I would be able to start working out. Well if I haven’t been working out, what have I been doing you might ask. Well here’s the rundown on my year since my last debut.

In August we went on our yearly visit to Minnesota (one of my favorite places in the world) to visit my Dad’s family. We always stay with my sweet Grandma in Blaine, it’s where my Daddy grew up. We were there for almost two full weeks, and got to see my Aunts and Uncle and my lovely cousin. Dad and Shane (my little brother) even had me working out with them…well a little. We would go and play basketball in the morning and take the long way back to Grandma’s. Dad and Shane did about a half an hour more working out than I did, and harder too, but still with my back it was something. In Minne we did everything that we usually do like going to the Mall (as in MOA…The Mall of America) and a few trips to Zantigo’s and White Castle. We also got to spend time with family everyday, though it was a little different this year as Grandma was recovering from knee surgery and was unable to leave the house. We also caught a great Twins game and a few movies from this old timey theater which was so fun. I miss Minnesota and my family there so much.

Shortly after returning to Colorado I started Dental Assisting School at Concorde University, which I love immensely. But it is a very fast program meaning that I have an exam or an assignment or a report or some task to be graded on each day. I’ve since convinced myself that this is the reason why I haven’t been blogging as frequently as wanted, but as this is a recurrent theme of mine I highly doubt it.

In short I wont be pledging to blog regularly, since it tends to lead me into a liar, liar, pants on fire situation. Instead I hope it just might happen on its own.

Much Love,

Annie

Advertisements

Previously MIA

Standard

As you know I have been MIA (missing in action) from my blog since early January, I think that post had been about being MIA as well. I had wanted to get back into the habit of blogging and back into my fitness regime. And then in February I hurt my back, in early March I received the diagnosis that I was ailing from two bulging discs, one of which had a tear. I spent the next nearly 4 months on leave from work, in physical therapy and in quite a lot of pain. I have been back to work now for 3 weeks and am looking forward to getting back on track fitness wise as well.

Before I hurt my back I had been dieting and working out 3x a week, and had gotten myself down to 225, during my injury I gained 7 of those pounds back and since my re-emergence to work I have fallen back to 228. My current doctor wants me to get all the way down to 140, I am 5’10” and believe this will be quite the stretch, that is his goal for me. The goal I have set for myself is to just get in shape, I would however like to get down to the weight I was in High School (160). 

My current measurements will be up soon…I’m thinking tomorrow…and I will also be explaining my daily/weekly exercise goals in this entry as well. I have been highly unmotivated to work out as of yet and I am hoping to rectify this as of this week as well. Stay tuned.

Lots of Love,

Annie

Sheesh

Standard

So we’ve been through this before…the lack of blogging that is. I need to do more of this, I think it would be beneficial for me to try and write an entry at least every week, especially since I’m trying to loose weight. But we shall see, the last time I tried to write on a regular basis it lasted only that first post in January. I’m working on it I promise.

A New Year

Standard

There are a lot of things I am going to be working on this year, one of which is this blog. I know that the posts have been few and far apart in the past, but a lot of that was my learning what a blog is and should be. I hope that with the new year I will be able to better show what I have learned thus far. I am still growing as a blogger, and there may still be changes and tweeks along the way, but please bear with me.

Annie

Motivational Log Entry 4

Standard

Okay Annie,

We’ve had a bit of a setback, but tomorrow everything is back on! Okay so instead of just lazing about because we had a sprained ankle we should have been at least working on our core and upper body. Not to mention continuing our diet.

However we didn’t do any of that, and because of our lack of discipline we have gained back 7 of the 10 pounds that we lost in the beginning.

But we have nice new workout gear(shoes and clothes) and we are all healed up so tomorrow we are officially back on the wagon! New goal is to get as close to the weight on our drivers license as possible before it expires next year. I know that is a lot to lose, but remember it is also plenty of time in which to lose it.

We Can Do This!!

Love ya,

Me 🙂

He sees and He feels and He heals

Standard

“Depression can seem worse than terminal cancer, because most
cancer patients feel loved and they have hope and self-esteem.” – David D. Burns

Depression is an awful thing, it pulls at your very core, and because it is emotional and mental it knows your deepest, darkest, innermost secrets. Secrets that it uses to tear you down, and if you let it, destroy you. Now whether you realise it or not, depression affects everyone in their own way, everyone out there alive or dead has had days where they feel sad or just down in the dumps. The severity is also very different from person to person, some may hardly even notice that they are a little out of sorts if you will, while others feel like the entire world has just swallowed them up whole. I usually lie somewhere in the middle, occasionally I dip down towards the deeper end of things, but such is life.

My main problem is that I don’t ever feel that I am good enough, that being me may as well be like being a piece of dirt that sticks to the bottom of a shoe. To whom the shoe belongs to it doesn’t matter, the fact is that I’m dirt, and at the end of the day if that dirt fell off the shoe, not only would the owner not care or notice, but it may in fact be a ceremonious occasion. That is how I feel from time to time…if I just disappeared, would anyone care or even notice? Sometimes however I can trick my mind and I can lie to myself. Usually that involves some form of feeling that I do make a difference and that I do matter, but I usually come to my senses in the end. The fact is I don’t…It does not matter what I do because I have no purpose, I was put here merely to be nothing else…no excitement here. I may as well not even exist, right?!

I may think that from time to time, but then the strangest thing happens, God intervenes. He shows up with some sort of saving Grace that lifts me up and out of even the darkest depression. It could be something simple like my dog jumping up into my lap for a little afternoon nap, my Momma calling just because she missed me, or a text from a friend saying “Hey, I was just thinking of you.” And from time to time He pulls out the big guns and throws you a tow rope that stops you from sinking right there, He can do that because like depression, God also knows your innermost thoughts and dreams, and all your hidden secrets.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” – Psalm 139:13

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…” – Jeremiah 1:5a

But unlike depression, He doesn’t use them against you, instead He uses them for you. God can look at you, see how badly you are hurting and know what will take all the pain away, and then right there He gives it to you…there are no games that you have to play, no passing go to collect your reward, all you have to do is to ask for help, and it will be given to you, it is that easy.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up…” – James 5:15a

It helps to remember when you are deeply depressed and feel all alone in the world, and that no one cares, that God is right next to you, He’s the one holding your hand, or rubbing your back, or when it is really bad…He carries you through it.

One night I had a dream —
I dreamed I was walking along the
beach with the Lord, and
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand;
One belonged to me,
and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times
along the path of my life,
There was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life
This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that
once I decided to follow you,
You would walk with me all the way;
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why in times when I
needed you the most, you should leave me.
The Lord replied,
“My precious, precious
child. I love you, and I would never,
never leave you during your
times of trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.” – Mary Stevenson (Footprints in the Sand)

A Letter to Orion

Standard

My Dearest Orion,

Oh how I wish you were closer…There are times when I
feel so lost and alone and that there is absolutely no purpose to my life. Is
this how I was meant to be? So…nothing, worthless? …I just wish… To be honest, I don’t know what I wish. I want to feel whole, to feel alive.

If there is one thing that I am thoroughly disappointed about our move to the city is the utter lack of night sky…all we have is a strange half night expanse of dark and light. I miss my stars, what am I supposed to do without a night sky? October is drawing nearer and nearer and I wonder if I will even get my chance to see you this year…or if it will just pass us by. I’m afraid that if I don’t see you, that I will forget…that your healing touch will fade from my heart. And if it does will my heart be left open and raw…bleeding like it does?

I want life to be…just that, I just want it to be. I want to stop hating that fat, ugly girl in the mirror. I want to just be happy to be, to be alive, to be healthy, to be whole. But am I? Am I living? Am I truly healthy just because I don’t have a sickness that can be seen? And how can I possibly be whole when my heart aches the way that it does?

Sometimes I wonder if there is a purpose to life at all, that it isn’t just one trek on a hamster wheel, always running towards something that we think we see…but never actually moving forward, never getting to our goal. Is that the aim of life? Should we tear ourselves apart looking for our hopes and dreams or should we just forget them all together? And what of love? The pain of love is so raw and unbearable every time it cuts like a knife plunged deep into your soul.

Orion, I’ve just been so confused. I find myself wondering when I’m going to wake up…is it all just a dream, and a very dull dream at that? I feel like all I am doing some days is passing time until I die, is life just the beat up old magazine that you flip through until it’s your turn for your big appointment…is that all that it is? Sometimes I wonder if I hadn’t been blessed with a family if I would even still be here, if I didn’t need them so much, would I have lived a life worth living, or would I have shrivelled up and died long ago? I know I’m not making much sense here, but that is the beauty of our relationship…I know you understand. I know that whatever craziness that I bring to you…and in whatever weird twisted upside down way that I present it that you will get it, you will know what I mean, and you will send help my way…always.

I may not know what I’m doing or what I’m going to do…but thank you for listening,

Annie